


Look Me In The Eye

by GaHoolianGirl



Series: I Watch A Star Trek TOS Episode And Write A Spirk-y One-Shot [2]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Kinda blantant in the beginning but mellows into Gen, M/M, Spirk is even more hinted at than last time, Spock feels guilt, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 19:31:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4071949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaHoolianGirl/pseuds/GaHoolianGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That impersonal behavior may have been normal for any other ship, but that was not how the Enterprise worked.</p><p>That was not how Kirk worked.</p><p>(This one takes place shortly ater everyone's favorite, "Amok Time"!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look Me In The Eye

**Author's Note:**

> I'm making this a series. I watch a Spirk-y TOS episode, and then I write a one-shot about it.

To classify Spock's behavior as odd would be too light of a word, Kirk concluded, watching his second officer out of the corner of his eye. Not that his work performance had dwindled in anyway. No, in that respect he seemingly became more proficient.

No, it was his behavior towards his commander, his friend, Jim Kirk. In the past two days, he refused to meet his eye, regardless of the circumstances. He could stand nose to nose with him (a scenario he fully enjoyed) and the First Officer would find a way to look through him, if Vulcans liked turns of phrase like that. That impersonal behavior may have been normal for any other ship, but that was not how the Enterprise worked.

That was not how _Kirk_ worked.

Spock was his friend. His best friend. In all honesty they were something unclassifiable, just two beings who came in a set; Kirk and Spock, Spock and Kirk. So personal avoidance was something that Kirk was not handling well. Bones's advice was, as always, crude but accurate.

"Just talk to him. The damn Vulcans wont lie unless they're about to die, anyways."

That was exactly Kirk's plan. They were cruising smoothly towards Altair 6, a few Earth days away at their pace. He knocked on the door of his First Officer, standing patiently. He wouldn't be a hypocrite, and would respect his wish of privacy. "Spock, it's me."

There was no response. If it were anyone else he would call it insubordination. He knocked again, taking  step closer.

"Spock, please..." he said in a low voice, elongating his name in a way he did when he was desperate for him to acknowledge him, or respond. There was another moment, most likely that his bosom companion spent in contemplation, that was followed by a quiet, "Come in, Captain."

Smiling in relief, Kirk shimmied through the door before it finished sliding open, and didn't speak until he heard the familiar noise of it closing behind him. He actually didn't speak for a solid set of moments, just eyeing Spock, who was seated behind the little desk that housed his monitor.

_Look at me. Like you always do. Look at me._

_Please._

Despite the fact that they were not touching, it seemed like Spock read his mind. His eyes hesitantly to meet Kirk's. "Captain, do you wish something of me? I was under the impression that my performance has been satisfactory."

"Oh, it's been even better than that, Mr.Spock," Kirk said, leaning his thigh against on of the walls, tracing his finger on a ledge as if to pick up dust that he knew wouldn't be in the meticulously cleaned room, "But this is a matter of a personal nature."

"Of a personal nature?" If he didn't know Spock better, he would say that he heard a quiver in his voice. He knew him well enough to think it rather than say it.

"Yes. If I may say, our relationship as...friends," he said the word with added weight, admittedly trying to guilt the half Vulcan, "has been rather strained lately."

"You have noticed such an anomaly, Captain?

"Be straight with me here, Spock," he said pleadingly.

Spock looked at his monitor, at his knees, then at his Captain.

"You clearly remember the events that occurred on Vulcan, correct?"

Kirk resisted the urge to shudder. Being "dead" was not the most pleasant experience. He nodded silently, afraid that any input from him might ruin his chances of finding out.

"In the immediate aftermath, all I felt was...relief, that you had not died. But then a rather distressing thought occurred to me. I have the capability to kill you. Everyone aboard the ship..." he looked up at him, "...you."

Kirk blinked rapidly, trying to process what he was just told. That was a very blatant, emotional statement, one such as he had never heard from Spock unless drugged or under some external influence. "Spock, if I may say so...that is rather emotional and odd for you. You have no reason to commit murder on this ship. And, I like to think, no desire to."

Spock averted his gaze again, and Kirk's heart sank. "I must agree, Captain, and therefore I am ashamed. Whenever I look at you, such illogical thoughts somehow enter my guarded mind. I fear my duties may be at risk due to it."

By this point, he had touched the tips of his fingers together and is holding them against the space between his lower lip and chin, a gesture he used for many things; from contemplation to regret. And at this moment, Kirk thought it may mean...embarrassment. Kirk straightened his posture, and took a step closer to Spock.

"You may find it it a hinderance, but every crew member here, myself included, think that, that awareness of mortality is a reassurance."

A confused glance.

"You may not have such a fear of death as we humans do, seeing as Vulcans, half or not, have a substantially longer lifespan than us. But knowing that someone stronger than us, someone better and faster and smarter, does not wish to harm us, even fears hurting us, we are reassured," he placed a hand on his shoulder and managed to hold his gaze with a fond look, "your 'illogical' response, in actuality, is a very logical way to gain our trust and respect."

Spock seemed to be processing his argument, and Kirk could almost see the thoughts whirr by in his mind, though that might be due to touching the touch-telepath. After a silent debate within himself, Spock seemed to settle.

"Your argument seems logical enough, considering the illogical nature of humans."

Kirk's smile fully returned, warm and relieved. "I'm glad to hear so, Mr.Spock. And remember, I'm not so delicate. I held my own in that fight."

"It would be illogical to deny that, Captain, but from the perspective of any bystander, I was overpowering you by a decent margin."

Kirk felt a laugh rise in his stomach. "It's good to talk like this again, Spock.Truly."

A moment of silence.

"It is indeed..." Kirk turned for the door.

"It is indeed, Jim."

Kirk released that laugh as the door slide shut behind him.•

**Author's Note:**

> As always, how did you like it?


End file.
